Let’s talk about sex (baby).

download (21)Hubby and I were driving the other day. It was a long drive. The girls were listening to music, so hubby took advantage of the opportunity to ask how I was feeling about our sex life at the moment.
This is not an unusual conversation for us to have. We like to check on each other’s mood and satisfaction about sex at a time when there is no passion or conflict to taint the conversation. We discovered early in our relationship that talking about sex when we are holding a deep resentment is not a good idea. It’s too easy to say things that can cause hurt or rejection. Equally, talking about sex when we’re lying together in our post-coital glow is not highly productive, because it’s harder to remember if there was anything awry and it seems less important in that moment.
download (20)Although we don’t schedule the conversation, on a regular basis one of us will bring it up at a time that seems conducive to good conversation. We might talk about the technicalities of sex. We talk about the general mood. We might talk about something we’d like to try. Most of the time these will not be life-changing conversations. We are simply adding to the foundation we have already laid. We are getting to know each other better.
I remember one particular conversation we had not long after our first child was born. Things had been slow on the sex front (as you can well imagine). There was the burden of being new parents, the exhaustion and sleeplessness that comes with that and the confusion of not quite knowing how life worked yet. Rob was not initiating sex because he was trying to be sensitive to a wife who had recently had a baby. I was not initiating because I desperately wanted to know that he still found me desirable with the leaking breasts, saggy belly, stretchmarks and lack of make-up/hairstyle/wardrobe that accompanies those early days of motherhood.
couple-812478_960_720So we talked. We talked about what we wanted from each other and realised that neither of us had lost our love or passion for each other, but that things were going to be different now that we were parents. I told Rob how important it was for him to show me that he still wanted me and I agreed to give a little nod or wink to let him know it was safe to approach.
This was a vitally important conversation to have. We had never been parents before. How could either of us have known what the other person wanted or needed if we had not communicated those things to each other?!

11215172_10153748856684801_1084353439585769414_n(4)Gabriel Norris
Regional Coordinator
MOPS Australia

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