Free To Love – Healthy Expectations

Ok I confess: I am an avid watcher of ‘Married at First Sight’! I know, I know, it adds no value to my life, and the show is probably manipulated to make viewing more exciting but I have become addicted nevertheless. I suspect my ‘girly’ love of beautiful weddings and my romantic love of ‘happily ever after’ stories has caused me to be sucked in.

Yet, sadly, as I watch I can foresee some train wrecks for some of the relationships on the immediate horizon. The causes for these disasters are lessons for all women, even those of us who have already found our life partner.

Unrealistic Expectations.

Many of the women went on to the show saying they were looking for their “happily-ever-after”.

Sadly, some were shocked that things were not going well. Somehow they believed that because they had worn a beautiful wedding gown and had been transported to the ceremony by a horse-drawn carriage, that this would guarantee an idyllic relationship beyond the wedding day.

But guess what… ‘Prince Charming’ doesn’t exist! Outside of books and movies, there is actually no such person.

While we may know that truth in our head, there is often that corner of our ‘girly’ hearts that hopes we have found him or, indeed, can create him from the guy we already have. In reality, the chances are high that your ‘Prince Charming’ may snore, burp and walk around with food stuck between his teeth. Even if he is, for the most part, a great guy, I can guarantee that at times he will be forgetful, impatient and selfish. Like you, he is human.

If you keep subconsciously wishing for Prince Charming, you will keep finding faults and if you keep trying to create him, you will cause deep frustration in your partner and create an ever-widening gap in your relationship.

Unreal expectations can also extend to the life we expect to experience in our marriage. What did you think married life would be like? Endless kisses, cuddles and compliments? Flowers, breakfast in bed and an open-ended credit card?  Was your man going to agree with you about all of your ideas and plans?

Break free from unrealistic expectations by being gutsy enough to dig deep into your heart and put down in black and white what you ‘really’ thought your marriage would be like, what you really expected from your partner.

Then, analyse those points and decide if they are both fair and realistic. Do your expectations need tweaking or even eliminating altogether? Finally let ‘Love’ be your loudest voice. Perhaps that means apologising for the pressure you have put on your partner or perhaps it means making a concerted effort to look for the good in him and compliment him regularly on those things.

Letting Love be the Loudest voice means that most of the statements coming out of your mouth will be positive not critical. Set your partner free from your expectations and watch your relationship flourish.


Erma Mayes
Field Manager


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