The other week I had a few days where I was feeling like things weren’t going great with my husband. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I was just feeling unhappy. I thought perhaps he was in a funk or taking his stress out on me, or something.
Anyway, a few days passed and I started feeling better about our relationship. I started smiling at him again and doing things just to make him happy, and enjoying being around him.
As I reflected on the change in my feelings, trying to figure out the reason, I realised that nothing about my husband or his behaviour had really changed. He hadn’t been treating me poorly then, and he hadn’t dramatically upped his kindness to me or anything now.
I realised the only thing that had changed were my feelings. Not the situation.
A few days prior, I had been framing my entire concept of reality around my feelings. I felt like something was wrong between us, so I assumed there was.
I think it’s useful to recognise our feelings, to acknowledge them and see what they may be pointing to. At the moment, I think most of the changes in my feelings (or mood swings?) are more related to post-natal hormones and tiredness than they are to my external circumstances.
So I can’t trust that what my heart tells me – what I feel – is the objective truth.
Two things I need to remember:
- I don’t have to be a slave to my feelings, going to and fro as they dictate. I can still treat my husband well (and my kids, and anyone else…) regardless of how I’m feeling about them at any given time.
- know I can turn to God when I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of emotions and he will provide a rock for my feet. He is my source of objective truth.
I find that this is a lesson I need to learn over and over, so I am glad to have these two simple points to help me when my feelings are inclined to mislead.