Unfortunately this is so true especially in the early years of parenting. Life can feel like an episode of ‘Survivor’ where each day we face a major battle just to keep everyone fed, clothed, relatively safe and the house in some sort of order; and making love to the one we love most can fall way down on our ‘to do’ list. There always seems to be something else that urgently needs our attention and energy – but nothing is more important than nurturing your relationship with the man you love.
There are many reasons why we’d rather not. We’re too tired, we don’t feel good about how we look, we’re afraid of being interrupted, little grudges have built into big resentments so we just don’t like each other very much, fertility issues might mean that sex has become something we have to ‘get right’ in order to have a baby or you are afraid to in case you fall pregnant or it might be painful and so you don’t enjoy it very much. I am sure you can add in more reasons why it’s just too hard.
But let me remind you of something – it doesn’t need to take hours, and it has the potential to make both parties very happy!
Think back to when you first met and how your heart would melt when you saw him; how you would look forward to spending time together. I know in the years since, those feelings can feel like a distant memory but it’s time to recapture the passion! Recapturing passion has first to do with your attitude about being a lover to your partner. Do you see yourself a sensuous woman? To do this, passion needs to begin with our priorities not with our bodies. As we decide to make passion a priority so the feelings will follow. This doesn’t just happen: as with most things in life we need to make a decision and then act on it.
To overcome the barriers:
• Carve out times in each day to rest – let the housework go and focus on restoring yourself physically and mentally.
• Get a lock for the bedroom door so you know you won’t be interrupted – the best sex aid ever!
• Practice forgiving each other daily for the little annoyances so they don’t build into big problems
• Communicate and share your fears and longings about fertility and seek professional help if you need it. Especially if sex is painful for you.
• Don’t see someone else as being the solution – the grass is greenest where it’s watered.
• Consider planning times in the week when it’s going to happen. He can look forward to it and you can get your mind in the groove. Also gets you both over the destructive cycle of one of you always making the approach always to be refused.
• Plan regular date nights. If you don’t have money or a baby sitter these can be a fun picnic on the lounge room floor once the kids are in bed. Or a slow cooker night where you feed the kids first and then spend time together talking and reconnecting.
• Inject some fun and creativity into your time together – candles, chocolates, a massage…
Move your love life up on your ‘to do’ list. Make passion a priority. The best gift you can give your kids is two parents who love each other and are committed to keeping their relationship flourishing.